yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
