I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
