I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
