____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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