I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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