The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
