I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have aggressive nipples.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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