Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize