You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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