Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
