You can't motorboat a personality
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
