East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
