she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
