Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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