I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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