umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
