I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
