I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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