Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
