would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize