Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
