you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
