There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
