I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
