Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
