That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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