you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
