All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
