Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
