i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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