So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
