Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
