I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
