i just had sex bonerless
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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