The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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