her vagine was all disorganized.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
