I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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