they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
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I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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