note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The best revenge is premature balding
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
