I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
