"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
