there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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