my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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