im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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