Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They are going to name an STD after you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
