Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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