the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
