You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
