All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
