You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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