he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
