Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
