I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
