I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
