I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
