You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
