Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
