i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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