cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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