She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
