I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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