Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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