Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
