it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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