I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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