Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
