I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
