Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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