you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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