Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you didnt know i had herpes?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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