Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize