He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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