I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
