Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
