I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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