Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
